How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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