I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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