What a fucking waste of an outfit
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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