I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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