your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
