you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
