I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
