He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
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The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
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I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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