1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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