Having a random hookup so left but love u
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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