can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
