i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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