I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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