my phone needs a breathalizer
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
