East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
