when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
