guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you mean i was at the winter classic?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
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