Pants 0. Shit 1.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
