I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
PANTIES FOUND
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