Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
