for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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