I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
