I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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