Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
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My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
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