from now on my penis is your penis
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
