Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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