Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
