Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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