A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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