Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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