I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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