I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
