you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
