We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Everyone says I win the strip club
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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