Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
