As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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