I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
