Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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