Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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