woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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