I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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