6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize