It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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