its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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