Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
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