I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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