not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
