I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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