Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
barbara walters just said penis...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
