she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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