You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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