Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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