It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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