Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
