no, he came in my armpit
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
