Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
