I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
