Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Randomize
