so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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