I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
