Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
