The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
