there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I am mentally ready for anal.
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