When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
