I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize