i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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