They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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