I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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