Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i don't like sucking hair
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
