WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
