A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
