Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
