I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
