Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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