I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
