Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
