"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize
