alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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