Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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