Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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