Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
